Life is difficult, but not impossible

Frederick, 41, UK on 1 November, 2010

It has been some years since I was a client at Oasis; I have lived all those years clean and sober.
Why did I choose to go to Oasis? I am an alcoholic and I had finished 28 days of primary treatment and sensed that I was willing yet maybe not capable of staying sober for long. So I decided to go to secondary treatment. A total of 120 days without a drink looked like a solid start to sobriety. Apart from an odd tweak to my character and maybe a burst of spiritual insight, I expected my time at Oasis would most resemble a relaxing beach holiday.

Daily Group Therapy
One does get to the beach a lot at Oasis but the whole day revolves around interpersonal group. Groups at my Primary treatment were cosy chats in comparison to the groups at Oasis. In an Oasis group there is nowhere to hide. Even when I was helping or showing concern for another client’s behaviour in group, the counsellors would mirror the behaviour back to me. Horror! I wasn’t like them! Gradually I owned that I was. All the dodgy, fearful, deceitful, delusional stuff they did, I did too. Of course, I did it better. Aloof arrogance was one of my attitudes, with rare bursts of Narcissism. Oh the joy of therapy, and gaining insight. I learned something about myself in every group session.
Also, I had one to one sessions with my counsellor which worked in tandem with the groups. I soon learned that what I said in a one to one was what I needed to say in group. This was uncomfortable at first, but revealing my thoughts and feelings to others was always beneficial.

Destructive Patterns
Through this therapy process I learned about my addiction and my patterns of unhealthy behaviour. Living with others with the same problems meant I was constantly able to examine and change even outside therapy. It was not easy. At times I regressed to denial, wanted to leave, and now and then I did crave a drink. But throughout I had a feeling that if I let the counsellors care for and help me then treatment might just work. When I was aloof, superior, cocky, telling, all of these behaviours stopped me becoming close to people.  I faced up to my failed relationships, inconsistent career,  at Oasis, and learned to be open about the past and present, face myself, and I began to grow again.

The Real World
On leaving treatment at Oasis I had numerous jobs; not due to an inability to settle but rather to try jobs my fear and drinking had excluded from my life. In this period I regained self-confidence and self-esteem. Then I opted for a new career which I have worked in for some years. Recently I have even dabbled in my old career and have found this refreshing. My drinking was so intertwined with my previous job that I felt I never could go back. Maybe I never will wholly, but it’s a relief to know I can still use a talent and it doesn’t have to be tapped through alcohol.

Relationships
I have had a couple of relationships in recovery. It is refreshing that I have been able to be more honest and present in these relationships than I have ever been before. Also, when they ended I didn’t feel as lonely, angry and bereft as I used to, and nor did I seek solace in a bottle. Now I know about myself, through what I learned at Oasis, I’m fairly happy when I’m single.
When I speak to or meet friends and family, they no longer fear that I am drinking or using. I contribute something to all my relationships now. I am no longer unreliable, dodgy and absent; or at least not all the time. Consistency is something I may never attain but that’s okay.

Maintenance
On leaving Oasis I attended After Care and I became an active member of the 12 Step recovery fellowships and went to many meetings and held committee posts; now I attend meetings about once a week.  I still have a therapist. At Oasis I discovered that I can be independent by depending on the help of others.

I was ready to give up drinking and using when I got to Oasis. I believed that was all I needed to change. The Oasis treatment team taught me all about myself, and although some of it wasn’t pleasant, it was essential that I faced myself in a safe environment.

Maybe I could have got sober at another treatment centre or through the 12 Step fellowships; but something tells me that my life is so full, is generally manageable and has such depth only because I went to Oasis.